lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
