Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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