I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
