He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
