She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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