yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I color on your dick again?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
