the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize