im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
