the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
