I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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