dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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