Don't you send me to vm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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