Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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