I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
