my mouth tastes like poor choices
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
