I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
