I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
