i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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