He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
