The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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