Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
