and you said cock pushups were impossible
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
