i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
