guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
