he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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