Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
