He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
