YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize