JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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