I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
