Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
