I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
