Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
