she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
