dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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