youre lurking in front of me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
