When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
