my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize