Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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