Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
this hospital has no fireball
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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