I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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