Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
