So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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