just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
