Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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