I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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