hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
did you just send me my own nude
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
