Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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