ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
