Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
