How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
