mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My liver just had a heart attack.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
