I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
