I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
