i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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