high people should be assigned attendants
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
