I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
