After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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