lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
