I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
