last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
