She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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