That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
