We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
