Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
