I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
