We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
