Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
