So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
