I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Boobs are out for the taking
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
