Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize