you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
