were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize