Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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