i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
