I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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