even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
