so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize