You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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