Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
