first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
