how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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