that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
