mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
