but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
