thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
