so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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