her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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