I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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