He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
