Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
